Lifestyle

Getting Real: A Few Thoughts & Where I’ve Been

Being a Christian is hard. No doubt about it. Being a young Christian in a world that is increasingly becoming more and more secular is very hard. But it’s not impossible & it is worth it, that I can promise.

Look, I struggle. All the time. I doubt myself. And believe it or not, I doubt God’s plan. I hate saying that, but I’m just trying to be real with y’all. I know God has a plan for me, but I’m a human and I am selfish. If things aren’t going according to my plan, I feel like I’m hopeless. I worry way more than I should. Sometimes, when things go wrong, I doubt that God loves me. And I know that’s not true, but you see, the enemy likes to plant seeds of doubt in us. The devils WANTS us to lose faith, he wants us to doubt God. And I do, because I am human.

I hate that I have these thoughts, I hate that I disobey God & I hate that I let him down so constantly. But ya know what? No matter what I do- no matter what you do- He loves us. God loves us so much more than we can comprehend. That is comforting. So yeah, life is hard. We have rough seasons. The enemy gets us down; we doubt and we’re insecure. We feel lonely. We screw up.

But if we didn’t, why would we need a savior? If we were perfect, what would be the point of seeking salvation? Where would our freedom lie? If we were perfect, we’d perfectly comply to all rules and standards, we’d never make mistakes.

I make mistakes ALL THE TIME, but you know what? God’s grace & love are stronger. //

I’ll be honest with y’all. I haven’t posted on my blog since November and I don’t really have any excuses other than I felt like I was in the dark. It was a tough semester, and the holiday season was hectic and my faith was shaking a wee bit, as much as I hate to admit it (but hey, it happens). When I had time to write, I felt uninspired, too weak or unmotivated to write and that’s weird to me because usually I’m constantly hitting down ideas. Now, I did plan out some posts, but the writing I had was scrapped because it didn’t feel like me. It didn’t feel like my content. I was in the mindset of making blog posts like other bloggers, and not being true to who I am as a content creator. I want to share things that are meaningful and that reflect my thoughts genuinely, but as I veered away from my personal blogging style & into that of others, my content was mediocre at best, didn’t excite me and just felt…. “bleh” to me. During the past few months, I just didn’t feel like myself. My focus was on making content that receives attention, that gains more followers, that people love reading- and not on the foundation I built this website upon. You see, my initial intention was never to (and still isn’t) become a viral blogger whose platform was for beauty, fashion & clickbait. I made this blog as a way to express my thoughts and share them. I made it to glorify my creator & savior. I made it to fuel my creativity in a time when I had nowhere else to channel it. I made it to be genuine & relatable. To let people know I’m here for them. To do my best to be a light, but I failed myself as I got caught up in the media aspect of blogging. I’ve been dealing with a lot, and I let those feelings mask my true thoughts, making writing hard. I dealt with spiritual warfare, I had doubts about my faith- my worthiness to go to Heaven. Truth is, I don’t deserve to, but that’s what’s so beautiful about God’s never ending and reckless love (yes, I did reference that beautiful song “Reckless Love” by Cory Asbury. Check it out because it honestly is such a great reminder). No matter what you do, where you go or how you feel, don’t close off. Don’t run away & lose yourself in the process. Let God keep you anchored and strong; with Christ as your anchor, you can stand firm and steady even when it seems like nothing is going right, like you’re all alone. //

What does that tangent have to do with what I was talking about earlier? Well, everything. You see, I messed up. I had a purpose, a goal as a blogger. And then I let the glamorous ideals of the blogosphere cloud my mind and fill it with ideas that are great, but that are not true to me. This is true to us as Christians. Though if you’re reading this, you may not necessarily run a blog, I bet you’ve sacrificed your intentions, or changed your actions in order to please the masses, and lost yourself in the process. Maybe you haven’t (and if that’s the case, pleeeease tell me how you managed to do that because you’re much stronger than I am), but you’ve had thoughts about it. You get stuck in a rut. Your personality is in a conflict with the world, or with God. Maybe it’s spiritual warfare, but whatever it is- you’ve felt it. That feeling of not knowing what’s going to happen, what you’re doing or who you are. Just an overall conflicted, hot mess. Truth is, though, we’re all a little messy- that’s why we need God!

Maybe something made you doubt if God loves you or if he even exists, or maybe it’s made you feel guilty and unworthy of his love. Maybe you’ve just had so many unhealthy thoughts you don’t turn to God anymore. You’re just plain stuck. Let me tell you something, it happens to ALL of us. The devil is trying to drag us down, to get us to walk away from God. He wants us to hurt & fall into a life of reckless, carefree sin that’s is perceived as meaningless. And though that may be, don’t let these little adversities or objections cause you to lose sight of your faith, of Christ. Being a Christian is about having faith & sticking to your beliefs. It’s about standing up for them and sticking to them even if you feel like you’re being beaten down & crumbling. Just look at the stories of the biblical martyrs. Those like Stephen and Paul, who kept declaring their faith until their last breaths. No one said life is becomes easier as a Christian, but it does become meaningful and worth living, striving towards an eternity of love, peace and bliss with our Heavenly Father.

I’ve found that every time I’m true to what I believe, to my faith in God, life is meaningful & worth living no matter how difficult it gets. On the other hand, when I separate myself from my values and from God, life feels meaningless and not purposeful. I become complacent, unmotivated, unhappy, insecure, etc. This is my personal experience but I know for a fact I’m not alone- because God just put this on my heart today. Someone, somewhere is reading this and thinking “oh… I do that too…” and I want to let them know:

You are not walking alone. Christ is before you so keep marching, and I’ll be right by your side. Stop taking the opinion of the media or society to heart so much that you feel like you should change yourself into someone you are not. Do not let these worldly things make you give up your values just to be accepted and likable. You ARE likable, you ARE loved. Don’t let anyone dim your candle. Be true & be honest. Don’t act like you have it all together when you don’t, don’t hold back on sharing your faith out of fear of what others will say. Yes, you’ll more than likely get rejected for unashamedly sharing your faith a time or two, but so did JESUS.

If Jesus, the miraculous and perfect son of God was rejected by people, but still continued to love and minister to them, that’s what we should strive to do. If people reject or make fun of us, we can move on. If the creator of everything could sacrifice his own perfect son to save mankind from sin, we can face a little bit of rejection, criticism and skepticism from the people around us. I know I’m not perfect, and neither are you, so of course we are criticized. Our every action is watched by onlookers who can see when we mess up or when we aren’t acting like ourselves. Live honestly, live genuinely.

Friends, just like I lost myself in the clutches of desire for internet popularity, we all lose ourselves for the desire of being “better” or “acceptable.” It’s not worth it, but it happens & God always seems to intervene and stick with me. Being a Christian is hard, but it’s worth it, and community helps. Find a good group of Christian friends to keep you accountable for your actions & prayer life. People you can trust to vent to about your spiritual, emotional & physical struggles. I veered away from that for the past few months, and it only make me feel more alone, broken and hopeless- so fellowship and accountability are major keys to life as a Christian!

From here on out, I pledge to live genuinely, boldly and make my internet presence match my real one (to the best of my ability” and pray that you will do the same.

Happy new year & God Bless,

Verses of the day:

– 1Peter 4:16

– Hebrews 6:19

1 thought on “Getting Real: A Few Thoughts & Where I’ve Been”

  1. This is wonderful! Love that you’ve just given us a great picture of where you are, being open, honest, and vulnerable. Thanks for sharing all this! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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