I am a very emotional person. Anyone who knows me knows this. I wear my heart on my sleeve and get hurt quite easily. I’ve tried to hide it but I can’t, it’s just who I am. I’ve always been like this.
For as long as I can remember, people have told me things like “stop crying”, or “big girls don’t cry.” They’d basically say my tears were for nothing or that I was “being a baby” just because my feelings were hurt or crying made them uncomfortable. They let me feel bad about feeling bad.
When I got older, I got a little better at masking my feelings, hiding my tears behind sarcastic humor and a happy façade. I, as the infamous Abby Lee Miller would say, “saved my tears for my pillow,” so no one would have to know. I hate crying in public now. I hate the attention it draws to me, I hate feeling so defenseless from the power of my own emotions, I hate the pity.
I don’t like that I feel this way when crying is so perfectly natural and normal. Why have I let so many people tell me how to express (or not express) my emotions?
Look, I understand that we can can control how we react to situations even though we can’t always control the actual situation, but that doesn’t mean crying is inherently wrong- so why has it always been stigmatized? Why do tears automatically = weakness?
I think there’s beauty to vulnerability and we shouldn’t be ashamed of it. We shouldn’t teach little girls to bottle up all of their emotions inside and hide them behind a fake smile just because tears make other people uncomfortable.
Crying is healthy. It’s a release. I’ve finally accepted that sometimes I just need to let the tears roll- to stop fighting them. It’s perfectly okay. Every time I keep them bottled up and tucked away, my emotions eat away at me inside and I lose myself. I don’t know who needs to hear this today, but I’m tellin ya, girl, just let it out, okay?
Despite what Fergie says, big girls do cry.
There’s beauty to vulnerability. The ability to cry in front of others doesn’t make you weak, it makes you oh so strong. The ability to cry when you’re all alone doesn’t make you weak, it makes you a warrior. You are under no obligation to anyone to hold all of your emotions in, don’t let anyone make you feel like you are. Don’t believe the lie that “big girls don’t cry,” because big girls do whatever they have to do to get by.
You are strong, you are beautiful, you are loved.